Almost Quitting Whole30 on Day Nine: A Timeline
6:00am – Alarms goes off. Even though you’ve been sleeping great and bolting out of bed every morning, today is not one of those days. SNOOZE ME!
6:30am – Okay fine, you’ll get up. You wonder what’s for breakfast. You hear your partner cooking and wistfully pray for pancakes. (Sidebar: You don’t even really LIKE pancakes.)
6:35am – Scrambled eggs with greens? What is this shit? Sure, it was fine on day four but today you’re convinced no humans should be eating chard first thing in the morning. Or ever. And why does this coffee taste like pee? Can you just get some damn creamer already? Or better yet, a hazelnut latte?
8:15am – You finally roll into work and immediately realize you forgot to bring the delicious lunch you spent 25 minutes packing last night. You try not to lose your cool. There’s got to be something at the work caf you can eat.
9:45am – How is it not lunch time yet?! I have to wait another two hours before I can eat again?
11:20am – Close enough- you head down to the cafeteria because you actually feel a little shaky. You walk up to the grill station and order a salmon filet, no bun. The cook asks if you want teriyaki on that. You do- oh god you really do- but you say no thanks.
11:25am – Waiting has made you crabby because you’ve been staring at all the food you can’t eat while trying to keep yourself from falling over. This must be what withdrawal feels like. You make your way over to the salad bar like the good Whole30-er you are. Spinach, bell pepper, hard-boiled egg, chives, carrots, radishes… you load on up. You skip your used-to-be-favorite avocado cream dressing and splash on some balsamic & olive oil instead. You also ignore the case of breadsticks and cornbread muffins, even though there’s a jalapenio one today that you really enjoy. You pay almost $10 for your stupid huge salad and practically sprint back upstairs to eat before you make a regrettable decision.
11:30am-noon – You eat your salad, hating every single moment of it. It tastes like nothing. Plain, unseasoned salmon might as well just be heavy air. “Just. eat. the. damn. salad.” you say to yourself repeatedly. You do, all while unfairly hating your coworkers who are eating their dreamy, grain-filled lunches around you. You know you’re being unreasonable but you can’t seem to control it.
2:00pm – You realize you forgot to incorporate fat at lunch and now you are HANGRY. You make a quick trip to Target for some emergency reinforcements to keep at work: coconut Lara bars, macadamia nuts, a package of blueberries and some Applegate lunch meat. You seriously consider that bag of Pirate’s Booty, but eventually escape unscathed.
2:10pm – Sorry, no snacking rule. It’s either these blueberries or you’re going to go buy the biggest chocolate cupcake you can find. You eat a handful without any guilt and think you’ll be fine.
4:15pm – On the bus home you’re a big ol’ hormonal (or something) mess. All you can think about is making a plate of pasta. Ordering a pizza. Finding some crusty bread. Chipotle with rice, and not even the brown kind. Oooooh maybe some goat cheese! Brie and crackers? Did someone say brownie? No, must resist.
5:30pm – Your partner asks what you want for dinner. You try not to break down into tears because YOU JUST WANT TO QUIT. Nothing sounds good. You can’t really remember why you’re doing this anymore. You’ve lived this long on all the foods you love and you’re still alive! Why bother?
5:40pm – Your partner tells you to go sit down and watch an episode of Friends or something. anything, to get you to CTFO. He’ll take care of dinner tonight- just get out of the damn kitchen. You’re grateful and secretly hope that “cooking” is code for “ordering pizza”. (Spoiler alert: it isn’t.)
6:15pm – Your partner presents you with one of the most delicious Whole30 dinners ever, and you’re so grateful that you aren’t doing this alone. You thoroughly enjoy dinner and naively think the worst is over.
8:00pm – You’re midway through an intense scene in The Americans but you can’t focus. If you don’t eat something sweet immediately you just might die. You’d prefer some of the gelato that’s still hidden in a Target bag in the back of your freezer, but even a little square of Dove chocolate will do. But you know most cravings only last 3-5 minutes, so you can get through this one.
8:25pm – Are you crazy, or has this craving gotten STRONGER? This is it, you’re going to break. As soon as your partner gets up to go to the bathroom you’re going to bolt out the door and make for the nearest Dairy Queen. What’s the biggest size Blizzards they’re making these days? Maybe you should also get one of those individual ice cream cakes. Oh yeah. It’s happening.
8:35pm – You seriously consider making your exit. Instead you wander to the kitchen, open the fridge and stare- an old snacking habit. You have an epiphany. You grab the tub of almond butter along with a handful of strawberries and blueberries. All three go in a little dish and get stirred together.
8:40pm – You’re back on the couch. Sure, you have a snack (technically illegal) but YOU DIDN’T LEAVE THE HOUSE! You didn’t open the contraband freezer bag! Sure, you’re snacking and technically this fruit is feeding your sugar addiction… but you have defeated the quitting urge! And actually, this snack is freaking delicious. Partner decides he must have some as well. You contemplate making a second for yourself but are able to resist.
9:15pm – You decide you should get in bed before your Sugar Dragon rears her ugly head again. The thought of a Whole30 breakfast the next morning makes you gag, but for tonight you’re done thinking about it.
9:20pm – You lay in bed and mentally give yourself a little pat on the back. You made it. You didn’t quit. And if you can make it through today, you can make it through tomorrow. Day by day, young grasshopper. Day by day.
Do you REALLY want to quit? – Imperative info about days 10-11 from the Whole30 team
Support resources – Whole30 advice and places to turn on the hard days